Temporary Bliss
by SageStormAshes
Summary: And he can nearly hear the condescending tone in his head. "See Wally. Darling. Honey. Sweetie." It sneered. "This is why you don't fall in love with your best friend." Wally could feel it. He could feel himself slowly cracking. Slowly losing his mind. He's going to explode. One day. One word. One touch and he's going to be pushed past a point of no return. Birdflash.


Hey. It's Sage. How are all of you?

I just wanted to say thank you to everybody who has supported me. I tried to send messages of thanks but I never got any responses, which makes me think that something didn't go through.

Anyway. I don't love this fic. It's a little whiney on Wally's part but I decided since I put so much time into it anyway, that I might as well post it.

Beta-ed by my most amazing friend evar, B07-Artemis. How you got rid of all the grammar mistakes, I don't know, but I praise you for it, and will continue to worship the ground that you walk on ;)

This is for anybody who's afraid to tell a person how they feel. I don't own.

* * *

_Temporary Bliss_

**x**

**'Cause I can't keep sleeping in your bed  
If you keep messing with my head  
Before I slip under your sheets  
Can you give me something, please?  
I can't keeping touching you like this  
If it's just temporary bliss  
Just temporary bliss**

**x**

And he can almost hear that voice in his head.

_'Would it be completely inappropriate if I kissed you right now?'_

He's right there. His head is resting fully on his shoulder, the soft ebony hair tickling Wally's chin. Dick's blue eyes are trained on the TV screen, and his eyes crinkle when he smiled at whatever was going on on the wide-screen. He grinned slightly, then he laughed, his entire frame shaking against Wally's, making the redhead sigh. He'd have to go back and watch whatever episode this is, if he wants to have any hope of talking about it with Rob later.

But he just can't help himself.

Nothing captures his attention like Robin. Watching Robin had become sort of a past time of his. His mannerisms, or Robisms, as he fondly called them. The little vulnerabilities that he liked to believe he was the only one that got to see them. And while watching Robin was fun, watching Dick Grayson was even better.

They were lying on a couch, somewhere in the never ending maze that is the Wayne Manor. Something insignificant was on the TV. No. Wally shouldn't have called it insignificant- It's been making Dick smile, and so little makes his best friend smile these days. True genuine smiles, not the condescending bat smirk he wears in costume.

But they're lying on a couch, limbs tangled, and half of the smaller boy's body weight resting heavily on the speedsters. And Wally doesn't even care that Dick isn't exactly the lightest of sorts or that his left arm was twisted awkwardly around the bend of the couch and under Dick's back to fit them both.

He can't even care because they're cuddling. It wasn't the manliest of all things to do, but Wally was passed had started with hugs when they were young. KF had always been a huggy, touchy kid. He liked the feeling of being hugged; the warmth. He craved the feeling of being wanted. He hadn't felt that much.

When he had first met the Boy Wonder as Barry and Wally were leaving, he'd turned back & hugged Robin. The boy had frozen completely in shock, before slowly hugging him back. The young speedster had been completely puzzled by his friends' reaction. He'd completely stiffened and returned the hug in a very tentative way, like he was scared. The moment Wally had gotten home, he'd asked Barry for advice (Don't judge Wally. He hadn't known what to do. He was 11 years old.)

Barry and Iris had both gotten a sad look in their eyes and had sent Wally off to play so they could talk. It was his aunt who decided to explain it to him. The next morning, after breakfast, she sat the bubbly redhead down for a serious chat. She had carefully explained that Robin hadn't always lived with Batman and that Wally's hug had probably reminded Robin of the environment he used to live in. Wally had only really cared about two things. 1) That Robin was okay and that he hadn't hurt his friend and 2) That he could hug him again.

Iris had smiled warmly and ruffled his hair. "He probably missed being hugged like that." She had stated while Barry chimed in over the counter, "I mean come on Wally. Can you imagine how awkward it must be to be hugged by the Batman?"

That was why, a year later, when Robin had taken off his mask and revealed Dick Grayson, Wally hadn't hesitated to pull his best friend into a hug, and despite being muffled by Wally's shoulder, Dick whispered out, "You know, your hugs have always reminded me of the circus. I was like the baby brother to everybody in the troupe, so I was constantly getting hugged and cuddled. I... I've missed it."

Hugs had progressed into lazy touches. Throwing an arm around one and other, or Wally's casual throw of his legs over Dick's when he sat down. Leaning on Robin during a mission briefing. Completely casual and innocent.

Well, this had evolved into sleepovers where they'd stayed up late into the night, playing video games. The rooms in the manor were always kept cold. Alfred said they helped keep Bruce alert (not that the Batman needed help.) It had turned into neither of them having the energy to go get a blanket, despite KF's seemingly endless amount. They'd huddled for warmth under thin sheets and whatever they could scrap together. _Sure. For warmth._

They'd never spoken about it. It was like an unwritten rule. Cuddling and close talking in the dark. Friendship and playful attitude in the day light. And Wally could feel it. He could feel himself slowly cracking. Slowly losing his mind. Dick was like some sort of exquisite drug. Heroin, crack, marijuana. Some kind of drug that kept Wally coming back for more. The kind that left you so extremely happy when you were on it but desperately craving more when the drug was gone.

That was what holding Dick was doing to Wally. He was so happy. He felt so needed. But whenever Robin wasn't there, he found himself craving Dick's attention, and his warmth. It was twisted, how much Wally needed the ebony haired boy.

It was twisting his insides. Not being open about his feelings with Dick. Not knowing even what they were or how he felt. He wanted to talk to Dick. To see what they're relationship was to those striking blue eyes. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was a coward. He was too scared. Terrified to hear that they were only friends and that was what friends did. That Wally was reading way too far into a friendship.

At the same time, he was equally terrified to hear that they were more than friends.

It was sick and twisted. Totally not cool for the Wall-Man. The Wall-Man, yeah, right.

Super cool. Confident. Stud. Player. Flirt. Wally West.

_What bull shit. _

Dorky. Science Geek. Hyper. Actually gave a fuck. Wally West.

Dick was one of the few people to see past the asshole flirt he came off as. He was past the flirting and all the pickup lines. Don't get Wally wrong. He was genuine when he flirted. He did think that M'gann was beautiful. But the inside bubbly, sweet girl. That was much more beautiful. And no pick up line could express that.

But he flirted anyway. That was what players and flirts did. Wally had modeled himself after them.

"This episode reminds me of my family." Dick's soft voice drifted out of the darkness, over the sound of the TV, pulling Wally out of his thoughts.

"Hmm." Wally murmured against Dick's hair. It was a green light for Dick to say more.

"Yeah. At the circus, within the troupe, we all used to share a library of worn out books. Sure. It's no vast amount of knowledge like this one but still..." Dick pointed out to the figures as they moved on the screen, his pale arms contrasting with the hue from the TV. His eyes sparkle in the darkness.

Has Wally mentioned how breathtaking Dick is? It's a natural beauty. Sure, Dick's a small but muscular kid now but puberty is going to be extremely generous to him, this Wally knew for certain.

"It..." Dick sighed. "It makes me think of them." Wally couldn't help but pull Dick tighter against his chest, the nostalgic tone in Dick's voice pulling at Wally's heart. But Dick doesn't seem to mind, only letting out a small smile and he refocuses on the flying bison that has just flitted across the screen.

That's how most of the speaking goes when they're in situations like this. Short sentences. One worded answers. They get to the point. Sometimes, they hit Wally like knifes.

Dick's brave. Robin's brave. His best friend is one of the bravest people he knows. He trust's Wally. He's told him so much. Shows him the vulnerable side that nobody ever sees. He's told Wally so many things. His past. His secrets. His life.

Wally's told Dick things too. They're best friends, it's what they do. School worries, speedster worries, family issues.

But Wally's got one secret that he's never going to let go. Never. He's a coward. He can't help it. He's never going to give it up. The thought of losing the closeness he shares with his best friend makes Wally sick. It's just a petty crush, he'll tell himself. Stupid feelings aren't worth sacrificing the rare relationship he has with Robin.

He's too scared. Scared of what he's feeling. What it means. He's pathetic. He's supposed to be a superhero. A protector and a savior. He's faced Central Cities worst rouges and yet he couldn't even face a few emotions.

But Wally can't help it. Robin is his best friend. He makes Wally smile, laugh, try harder and be better. He can also make Wally want to scream, yell, cry and want to tear his hair out. He's the one person who never fails to bring a smile to his face and the one person who Wally can't help but check over after each mission.

He's never truly had a relationship like that, one with that kind of closeness, that kind of trust. It's almost a little unsettling, just how close they were, and yet their relationship was all still a blur. Filled with gray patches that he didn't think existed.

He's never had such an urge to protect someone like he has to protect Robin. Batman's protégé, and he wants to protect him. What a joke. It's starting to kill him. The constant need, want to be with Robin, to be there for him, to support and be his anchor. It's all building up in him, all of this want and need. He's going to explode. One day- one word- one touch and he's going to be pushed over the edge. An edge where there isn't any coming back.

And he could hear the condescending tone in his head.

"See Wally. _Darling. Honey. Sweetie._" It sneered. "_This_ is why you don't fall in love with your best friend. This is what all those crappy romance movies tried to warn you against.

_Shut up. _Wally mentally warned the voice

"You're an idiot. You should have listened. But you can't even follow simple instructions."

Wally's clenched his eyes shut, doing his best to ignore the voice in his mind. Think positive. That's the motto.

_Robin's different for me, okay?_

"You're just his best friend."

_No. I'm more than that. I'm special to him. He's said so._

"That's what a best friend is. Though, how would you know? You've never had any others."

_No. It can't just be friendship. _

"Ah. But it is. A very close one. He trusts you. Yes. Now." The voice turns even more condescending. "Imagine where that trust will go if he finds out that his best friend is gay for him. That trust goes right out the window, along with your friendship."

It's getting a lot harder to ignore the now multiple voices all screaming out his insecurities. _No. That's not the Dick Grayson that I know. Even if he didn't have feelings for me, he wouldn't leave me. We'd still be friends. _

"I'm impressed. You've managed to delude yourself into believing that. You're lying to yourself Wally. Lying to yourself. Pathetic. That's just-"

"SHUT UP!" Wally can't help but let the words fly out of his mouth. Dick jumped, the remote clattered on the floor and the room was suddenly plunged into darkness.

"What?" Dick's voice was panicked and he turned on his elbow (which poked into Wally's stomach) to look up at the speedster.

"I.. Erg. Nothing. I thought. I thought." Wally spluttered and blushed, trying to rationalize shouting "shut up" to a silent room. Think West, think.

"Did you hear Alfred? I feel like he's been outside this room for a while." Dick whispered, blue eyes wide. _Perfect._

"Alfred! Yeah. Alfred!" Wally rushed out. "I heard him." Dick looked at Wally curiously for another moment and then sighed, leaning back on the redhead.

"We should probably go to sleep. It's late and I'll probably have patrol tomorrow. The T.V's off anyway, no small thanks to you." Dick grinned.

"Erm. Okay." Wally said, making a move to get off the bed before Dick's arms stopped him. "What?"

"We can sleep here, can't we?" Dick looked back at Wally.

"There aren't any blankets or pillows." Wally pointed out but Dick only grinned.

"You're really warm. There won't be need for any blankets. Body heat, remember? Besides, you're a speedster. You shouldn't get cold." Dick laughed, before burying his head into Wally's shoulder. The room was silent and Dick heard a sharp intake of breath. "I mean. We could sleep upstairs if you don't want to sleep down here." He muttered less enthusiastically.

"What? No. Here's cool, dude!" Wally sighed. Having Dick this close wouldn't be that much of a problem; right? His pounding heart didn't mean anything. And it couldn't hurt to have wrap his arms around him, that's what friends did.

"Okay!" Dick smiled before shutting his eyes tiredly."G'nite Wally."

"Nite," Wally squeezed his eyes shut, lying stiff, his hands in clenched fists. His nails dug into his skin, but they kept him from wrapping his arms around Dick's torso, as tempting that was.

_It couldn't hurt... Could it?_ With that thought, Wally gave in, slipping his arms around Dick. That was when he froze.

"Wally?" He asked, turning to look up at the now bright red boy.

"Ergm. Yeah?" He asked, trying to calm himself. He hadn't been accused of anything yet.

"I'm comfortable." Dick whispered, blue eyes staring at Wally.

"You said that already." Wally grinned in relief.

"No!" Dick rushed out, his voice harsh. "You don't get it! I am comfortable with us. With how we are. Without the questions and the judgment and the label."

"Dude-" Wally began, only to be cut off by Dick again.

"And I know that someday I'll want answers and I'll really want to figure out what we are. But not today. Not when I'm only 13 and still a little confused. Can you please just give me time... Even if it's completely unfair to have you wait and make you wonder about us. It's greedy and selfish of me to think that you'll wait-" Dicks voice rose, but he looked determined to finish his rushed confession.

"Hey. Hey. Listen." Wally said, cutting off the teen. "Dick. Calm down. Breath." He placed a hand on Dick's shoulder, who still looked panicked, but took a breath.

"I'm not asking you for anything Dick. I wouldn't do that." Wally said softly.

I still feel guilty." Dick murmured after a moment, eyes downcast. "I feel you trying to say things and tell me. You're holding back and it's hurting you Wally."

Wally's heart was lodged in his throat. Damn kid was way too perceptive for his own good. "Hey, it's okay. I'll wait. Dick. You're worth it. If my feelings for you are hurting me, then that's my own problem. Don't feel bad, kay?"

Dick sighed and looked up but didn't say anything.

"Dick? Really. Don't feel bad okay." Wally whispered. Dick only looked at Wally for a moment, and disbelief flowed through Wally's system as Dick cupped his cheek, only to smile sadly. His hand was smooth and cool on Wally's skin and even in the circumstances, it still caused Wally's heart to pound in his chest.

"Kay." Dick grinned, his young, vulnerable attitude gone as he snuggled back against Wally, the redheads' hands slipping around the teen's waist, still in shock of what had just happened. They lied in silence for another few moments before Dick laughed.

"What?"

"I'm totally not comfortable dude. It's freaking cold in here. Could you please grab a blanket?" He asked.

Despite his complaining tone, Wally was up in a few seconds. "You want the green Flying Grayson one, right?" He stated still grumbling. "You know you're lucky I care. Most sane people wouldn't get out of bed run around in the maze of the Wayne Manor in the dead of night."

"Just go, you idiot." Dick laughed, chucking a couch cushion at him.

"Back in a flash." Wally smirked.

_Yeah. I know. I'm really lucky you care, Walls. I'll find a way to tell you someday. _

**X**

**And I will wait,**

**I will wait.**

**For you.**

**x**

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**What did you think? Déjà like it? Please review. **

**I plan on putting out another birdflash/nightflash sometime this or next week. I'm really excited about this one and I can't wait for all of you to read it. It's a little darker than most of my stuff. **

**So please review! Oh, follow me on Tumblr at sagestormashes for updates on stories and general birdflash feels! **

**Sage**


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